The last two and a half months I’ve been going through some serious self-discoveries. I’ve been coming more into myself and what/who I am and how I offer it to this gigantic universe. I’ve made some BIG changes, let go of a lot of old patterns and beliefs, and allowed new ones to form.
I’m still in the baby phase of this new me, but I’m feeling utterly AMAZING inside and out! In my book 3 Secrets to Feel Great and Lose Weight Starting Today! I talk about how change come from the inside out…our outer body is a direct reflection of what we are inside. That’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
I’ve struggled with my weight since High School (shocker right?!?)! I was the fat girl on the drill team at 155 pounds! I just accepted that I was ‘big boned’ or ‘full of muscle’ because we all know that muscle weighs more than fat (lol)! I took pride in the fact that I had power and strength that those lil stick skinny drill team friends didn’t have because they were too tiny.
Lies! I lied to myself to help soften the blow that I was overweight. I allowed myself to believe the lies, and I used those false statements the rest of my life. Guess what I manifested? More of me being the ‘big boned/muscle bound’ girl. Always bigger than everyone else.
When I joined the yoga community and saw all those waif like instructors I judged and assumed it was because they didn’t eat ‘real’ food like meat and cheese. Or that they didn’t really eat at all, just juiced and snacked on veggie sticks!
I lied! Again! I believed those lies and added the new lies to the old ones.
I got certified to be a personal trainer, a nutrition coach, yoga instructor along with other various fitness certifications. I became obsessed with health education hopping I’d find the magic cure, or justification, to why I was the overweight yoga instructor. After all, I was working JUST as hard as those other instructors, so why was I still bigger than everyone?
I was sure that if I armed myself with knowledge that I’d magically become smaller! I learned all the ‘rules’ about calories in and calories out, how to eat less than you need, the foods that burn the most fat, when to eat carbs and what carbs to eat, how many servings of protein and veggies to eat, when to best workout, when to sleep and rest, when to kick up the workouts intensity, etc. etc. etc.
I knew it ALL! Still…I was fat (according to the Body Mass Index chart) but I could run a mile in the ‘healthy’ amount of time, I could reach my palms past my feet in the sit and reach test, my sit-ups, push-ups, and heart rate were all on the tip top of the charts for my age. I passed all the fitness tests with flying colors!
WHY AM I STILL FAT?!? I couldn’t understand!
I’ve imparted a lot of yoga and life wisdom I’ve learned through all of this struggle I’ve been on. I share it as I learn it, however, I haven’t come out and shared that I too struggle. I seem to be confident in my body (I am in my bodies abilities) but I was self-conscious underneath it all and still struggling. Hoping again that by sharing my knowledge that I’d learn the magic answer to why I couldn’t drop the fat.
My book was born as a divine download to my desperate pleas. I loved it and believed it…but I didn’t live it. I was still in my head, judging myself for everything I ate as good or bad and labeling myself as good or bad because of what I did.
This last lil while I’ve gotten out of my head and into my heart and I’ve been astonished by how the weight has just disappeared! I went shopping for real clothes (meaning not yoga pants lol) and I was blown away when the size 10 pants I was trying on were too big!
I’ve been size 12 my whole adult life. Size 10 was my ‘fat girl on the drill team’ size and now I’m in a size 8? What the huh?!? It scared me to death to look at that size and I found myself saying things outloud like “I’m not that small! I can’t fit into something like that! This is terrifying!”
Lies! Why should I be scared of being smaller? I really had to ask myself, honestly, ‘Why am I scared?’ As I change my inner self, my outer self naturally changes with it. I’ve attached myself, the ‘who am I’ to what I look like. I”m the ‘big tough chick’ that can hang with the guys because I’m ‘sturdy, strong, and stable’! Those were all nice ways of saying ‘I’m fat’ and hiding behind the fact I was unhappy.
Shrinking can be scary because with those pounds we are also shedding our own false, past beliefs of ourselves. It’s all good though. Take a moment and be with those feelings. Acknowledge them and then look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re worth it.
Here is a before and after of me in the same poses. Top is August 2013 Bottom is March 2014 raw and unedited!
You are worthy of self-love! Yes you are! Stop lying to yourself! Admit to the lies and change them to truth!
You are beautiful!
You are strong!
You are love!
To grab your copy of my book for $2.99 head over to http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009G5C4JK and please leave your feedback after you read it! If this resonates with you, pass it on, share the love